My fiancé and I took a trip to Big Bear over the weekend. It was a lovely trip -- we stayed in a cozy log cabin, cooked all of our meals, went on a beautiful hike, and it was both of our first times mountain biking.
During our Saturday hike, I realized early on that Joshua and I weren't always aligned on which path to take up the mountain. (There was no set trail, it was paths we were choosing and creating along the way.) He would think one way was the "better" option and would motion for me to follow him, and I would feel an other direction was the best route and wanted him to follow me.
You see, Joshua and I are both leaders. We've separately played this role with our friends and family since we were young, and are also good at it. It's an honor to be blessed with this talent, and I believe it should be embraced and cherished as it is an empowering quality rooted in personal confidence and trust from others. It's one of the sexiest qualities in Joshua, and what drew me to him when we first met at eighteen years old.
When I realized we had conflicting views of which direction was the smartest (and most fun) option to get us to the top of the mountain, I didn't argue with him or try to convince him that my idea was better. I just said to him, "OK if you think that's better, you go that way and I'll go this way."
This was the style we hiked for the rest of that afternoon. We would be one behind the other and when his gut was pulling him left and mine right, we would separate again...often losing each other for longer than anticipated. But we would always end up crossing paths again.
To me, this was a beautiful and accurate representation of us as a couple, and as partners through life. One of the most precious things about marriage is agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone. But this does not mean you have to walk identical paths, that there is an obligation to convince your spouse to always walk the same path as you. You are two distinct individuals and neither should feel their perspective or desires are less valuable than the other's because they are not the same.
The rest of our lives together is a long time (we hope) and both of us will evolve as humans. Personal growth is a sign that you are living, receiving, feeling, reflecting, learning, accepting, and growing. This is healthy. And in experiencing this, it is our responsibility as a lifelong partner to honor their journey. Put all judgements aside, support their goals, encourage them to follow their hearts, and welcome their improved selves with open arms.
And if our hike that afternoon is a true metaphor of our future together, walking separate paths from time to time will certainly bring lots of laughter and storytelling to the relationship too.
Sincerely,
Sahra
