No Biting!

It’s over. I didn’t think I cared or was attached, but I was wrong. 

Last week my teething baby bit me over a dozen times while I was nursing him. And the almost-last-time I yelped in pain and had to fishhook his jaw open to get him off my nipple. I was sobbing and so was he (I scared him).

I was a little shocked it came to an end so abruptly but I figured it was time to stop nursing.  Just a couple weeks prior my husband’s mother asked me how the nursing was going and I confidently answered, “It’s fine. He’s such a good eater that I have no problem continuing to nurse him. But I’m not one of those overly attached moms that is going to freak out about it when I stop.”

Wrong.

The following day I had no issues giving him a bottle. However, the moment I popped that bottle in his mouth at bedtime I started balling. Hysterically. I was trying to keep it quiet since babies sense the emotions around them, but wow was I crying hard. And when he fell asleep on the bottle, even more tears.

Over the past 7.5 months when I would nurse him and he would fall asleep on my chest, I would take him off and put him right in the crib. This time, however, I stood over his crib hugging him for 25 minutes. I just held onto him tightly and cried and cried and cried. Until my husband came in and took him from me and pointed out that the entire side of his pajamas were soaking wet from me.

I was so sad. So I decided I would give nursing another go. Maybe I wasn’t ready to stop after all.

After two days of pumping to allow my left boob to heal, I put him back on to see if he would nurse. This time, I made our nanny stand close by in case something happened. Caspian sat on my lap and began suckling waiting for the letdown. I was watching him closely. Then he looked up at me… right into my eyes… and slowly started to clamp down. It was like he was looking up waiting for my reaction when he went in for the chomp! He knew darn well he wasn’t supposed to be doing it and didn’t care.

I was definitely finished now. No more nursing.

I didn’t cry that night when I gave him the bottle. My friend told me no matter when or how you stop nursing, it’s always going to be emotional. And she was right. I let it all out that first night and then I was fine. I didn’t realize how much I was enjoying the nursing bond while it was happening; but I now think those few minutes of being one with him, particularly right before bed, really was a special routine for me.

That sad night I gave him the bottle was the first time since he was born that I didn’t nurse him before bedtime. I guess that’s a big deal for us mammas.

I now look back and think a part of my sadness was also because I had to accept that my baby was growing up. It was the first end to a big phase in his life. According to my mom, this is just the beginning of many beautiful phases that will come to an end so I have to enjoy and savor each one. In a few short weeks he will be holding his own bottle, then walking, then off to nursery school. And before we know it, he will be going to college.

My mom also kindly added in her sweet Shirazi accent that he is over his mom’s boobies because he is a big boy now and is ready for the boobs of pretty girls. UM. Thanks, Ma. She always has a way of making light of situations.

Sincerely,

Sahra