The Little Kid in All of Us

I cried at the end of my two year old's music class. We were singing the 'goodbye' song and I felt a little boy give me a hug. The song instructs kids to hug their mommy's so I assumed it was my son, but when I saw my Caspian standing next to me I realized it was a sweet boy I had only seen a few times. I was flattered he was inclined to share his warm embrace with me and when he proceeded to hug all the other children and parents in the class, one by one, I was moved to tears. His mother saw me crying and gave me the loveliest smile and thanked me for being brought to emotions by her son's actions.

Later that day as I explained the incident to my husband, I got choked up again. I wasn't sure what was making me so emotional, but after some soul digging I realized I've been so disturbed by all the ugly in the world that this was a refreshing reminder of who we all were before we learned how to hate people of different backgrounds and religions, before we became predators, before we were able to buy a gun and shoot innocent souls. At one point, we were all happy little toddlers graciously giving away hugs to complete strangers. No walls, no hate, no shame.

We are all born good. We are all born kind. All the judgment and hate towards one another is learned. If we made the effort to tap back into that innocent toddler within each of us, perhaps we could also go back to being brave enough to spread our love openly and freely to one another. And maybe this simple action could be a step towards dissipating the hate and spreading the humanity.


Sincerely,
Sahra

Second Time Sweetness

I was convinced the enjoyment of a second baby could be nothing close to the first. When I was pregnant with Shiraz, my second, I would talk to my mom about how it's impossible she doesn't like Hooman, the eldest of our siblings, a liiiiittle more than my sister and me. There's just no way. I mean, what could possibly compete with the first baby? First smile, first breastfeed, first word, first laugh... everything is so exciting and special. And you don't miss a beat because there is no distraction from another child in the home.

Shiraz is now three months old and let me tell you there is a sweetness the second time around like you wouldn't believe. I was actually surprised nobody told me this. So I'm going to tell you:

There is a different sweetness with the second baby, and here's how:

1 - You know what you are doing.
You know what you should pay attention to and what you should brush off. And when you have this attitude, it makes it that much more enjoyable. Just a little diaper rash... just a little eczema... just a little gas... No big deal.

2 - You savor the moments.
I promise you will not remember how many cuddles you got during the newborn phase until you are back in it again. My toddler, Caspian, is almost two and I am thankful if I get a hug once a week. When you are holding your second and she wants nothing more than to be held for longer, you will swallow up all those moments.

3 - The lack of sleep does not bother you as much.
We all hate not sleeping, especially post labor when all you want to do is rest. But this too is something you now know is only temporary. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night and so will you. And would you believe me if I told you this time the middle of the night feeds are actually my favorite!? The sweetness that comes with both of you being exhausted and falling asleep on each other is so delicious... and also short-lived.

4 - Leaving the house with a newborn is much easier this time.
You would think the opposite since I now have a toddler too. Not the case. With Caspian, the diaper bag was always perfectly packed before leaving the house. This time, the diaper bag hasn't left the closet. I use normal bags and often just throw an extra couple diapers in my purse; and for most everything else, I can get creative. Did you know a nursing blanket can also be used as a changing pad, swaddle, and a blankey? Sounds unsanitary but I am a diaper changing hero these days. Forgot wipes? You can always find a bathroom and wet paper towels. Not ideal, but I will survive it. Already driving and forgot the stroller? Big deal, I will carry her.

We always figure it out.


5 - You are not as concerned for others when breast feeding.
I am respectful as I can be, but if you accidentally get flashed... get over it, my baby's hungry. This feeling is very liberating :)

6 - Siblings.
Seeing Caspian and Shiraz together is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I can't imagine a better gift a mother and father can give their children than siblings. Shiraz turns her head towards Caspian and often smiles when she hears his voice. And Caspian runs to find Shiraz as soon as he wakes up from sleep and every time he arrives home. He pets her when she is sleeping, he yells and runs to find us when she cries, he lays down and puts his arm around her during tummy time, he makes his voice high when he talks to her just as we do... they already love each other so much and witnessing their bond grow every day adds to the sweetness tenfold. My heart is warmed by this magic every day.


Sincerely,
Sahra

Driving Miss Sahra

I drive like a grandma. Friends and family members have been telling me this since I was 16. Not like the elderly who shouldn't be permitted a license, but the ones that drive with caution and don't speed or attempt any swift moves. I guess a mom with children in the car would be a more accurate comparison? Either way, I've never taken offense to this comment.

With absurd statistics that prove driving is a life or death activity, how do more people not drive like grandmas? Every time we sit behind the wheel, we are accepting a huge responsibility and driving should be treated as such. Whenever I drive fast or allow myself to get frustrated on the road, I ask myself "is it worth increasing my chances of an accident to get where I'm going?" The answer is always no. Try asking yourself the same question and you will see.

Since leaving NYC in 2013 and driving Los Angeles roads, there are a handful of "moves" I see repeatedly and don't think people are aware of how stupidly dangerous they are. My husband jokes I should apply for a position with the California Highway Patrol as I would exceed their monthly quota my first week on the job. Here are a few examples of pull over worthy infractions: 

1 - Texting at a stoplight.

People claim this somehow is not risky since the car is not moving. False. Texting disorients you from the action on the road. For example, if your head is down at the stoplight you could see the glare of a green light and assume it's your green and start to accelerate through the intersection when the glare is actually from the green left arrow in the lane next to you. I promise you any text message can wait until you arrive to your destination. And if you're using your phone for directions, pull over. 

2 - Left hand turn victims.

The person driving through the light is just as responsible as the person making the left hand turn. Do not speed up to make a yellow light when there is someone waiting to turn left. As I'm sure you've experienced, when you are the left turner you read the speed of the car driving towards you and make that left when the light is yellow based on the speed of the approaching car. So picking up your speed as the left hand "turnee" is plain dumb. My theory is, if you can gracefully come to a stop without slamming your breaks, you should stop. But if you have to slam on your breaks to stop, it's alright to drive through that yellow. This is assuming you aren't speeding and the green changed to yellow just as you approached the intersection, of course.

3 - Use your signal.

Not using your signal does not create the same kind of danger as the above, however communicating your next move with surrounding cars is proper driving etiquette. If you choose not to use your signal, you are assuming the entire road revolves around you and your time is more precious than others. If we knew you were making that right turn, we could have changed lanes earlier and gone around you. If we knew you were making a left out of that small side street when we assumed right, we could have squeezed passed you and made our right without wasting time waiting behind you. And changing lanes without using your signal on a congested road is the most self-centered, entitled move of all. What if no one used their signals? Then you couldn't drive like you. The only way those swift, tight lane changes work is when everyone else is using their blinkers. How narcissistic. If I made those same presumptions, we would crash. 

Make sense? Stop being an a-hole.

Sincerely,

Sahra

I confess, my husband and I can't get through a TV series. People often ask us "what are you guys watching" and we look at each other with blank stares. It's not like we don't have our shows, but I don't think Last Week Tonight and Jeopardy is the answer they are looking for. [See list below]

Earlier this year while driving home from a dinner party we decided we must pick a show and stick to it. We agreed on HBO's Vinyl—we love Scorsese, respect Bobbie Cannavale as an actor, and what can be more entertaining than sex, drugs, and rock n' roll? Although we didn't end up loving the show (too drama focused which resulted in poor character development and a scattered storyline), we stuck to it and finished the first season. We were so proud of ourselves.

Then, Vinyl was cancelled. 

Now we are on a hunt for our next show but here's the issue: choosing to watch a show will require hours upon hours of our precious time. This is an exhausting thought for us, particularly because we both have commitment-phobe tendencies. When did a leisure activity become so... scary?

We never got into the bizarre binge watching concept. How is it socially acceptable to proudly confess you watched eight straight hours of television in one day? Or announcing you powered through multiple seasons last week and are "all caught up!”—like it is some sort of an accomplishment? Before binge watching became commonplace, if your friend told you they watched that much television in one day or one week you'd be concerned. You would ask them if everything was OK and push your friend to get out of the house before they slip into depression.

We've accepted we are not the series-watching-couple we once strived to be. It's a conversation we will continue to be left out of and are comfortable with that. However, if anyone wants to speak to us about John Oliver's thoughts on brexit or Alex Trebek shaving his mustache, we are happy to chime in :)


Sincerely,
Sahra


*List of shows we haven't finished:
House of Cards
Orange is the New Black
Game of Thrones
Friday Night Lights
The Wire
O.J.: Made In America
Transparent
Bloodline
Making a Murderer
Peaky Blinders
The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Boardwalk Empire

Thongless Summer

Hair

What's with everyone thinking you need to chop your hair off in the summer? Cut it short so you stay cool is what they have us believing. I actually feel the exact opposite.

Let your hair be long and free flowing in the summer and save those fun, interesting cuts for fall and winter. In the summer you spend time by the beach and pool, so the combination of the humidity and air-dried hair will be much easier and prettier with long hair. Short hair needs more work. In the fall and winter the air is dry so your hair will stay put. Your bangs will lay flat and your layers will fall as your hairstylist intended.

So push those hair appointments to September and find the right product for the next couple months—a product that enhances however your hair likes to sit. This is not the time to fight your natural hair, embrace it!

Makeup
Don't forget to switch out your daily tinted moisturizer for something lighter. When there is more moisture in the air, your wintertime skincare products start to feel a little cakey. And when it feels cakey, it looks cakey. Me personally, I love bareMinerals in the summer. Their light powders go on nicely on those sticky mornings and I prefer their technique of using the same foundation powder (but a different brush) for covering up blemishes. I feel I sweat those cream concealers rights off this time of year.

I use the Skin Rev-er Upper primer (horrible name, but good product), the Original (not Matte) powder foundation with SPF in Golden Medium, the Warmth bronzer, and the Mineral Veil finishing powder (I have this in Original and Illuminating. Illuminating has some shimmer in it which can be fun for summer days). Note you have to use the brushes that go specifically with bareMinerals products. I have three different ones for the above regimen. They offer great starter kits too.

Undergarments
Uniqlo has the BEST underwear. The seamless shorts in either bikini or hiphugger (I prefer the latter) are super thin and are offered in nude so you can wear them under essentially any summer clothing. You do not need the thong style for them to not show through your clothes. Did you get that?? YOU CAN HAVE A THONGLESS SUMMER.

You can wear these full-bootied undies with a flowing white dress, thin cream shorts, pastel yellow mini skirt... anything. Which in turn means you do not need to think about what underwear to put on before deciding your outfit. These will work under any and all les habits. And they are only $8.00! So you can guiltlessly toss them in the drier :)

Needless to say, I've bought over a dozen of these guys and they have slowly replaced my entire Hanky Panky collection.


Good luck! And Happy Summer!


Sincerely,
Sahra

Silence

I love music. I love it so much that most of my life I could not be in my home without music playing: classical when studying, Michael Jackson when cleaning, rock n’ roll blues when exercising, Grateful Dead when getting ready to go out, reggae for late night hang outs, funk and soul when having a dinner party… you name the activity, I knew what to play.

When I moved in with my husband, I noticed that he had a different relationship with music. Although he also enjoyed listening to it and getting down at live shows, he did not find it necessary to always have a soundtrack playing to his life. I would wake up after him on the weekends (per usual) and find him doing work around the house in complete silence; I would sometimes be in the car with him and he would insist on turning off the radio every once in a while and drive with no music. I didn’t get it. I actually found it pretty boring. So I told him just that, and he told me silence is beautiful too. There is music in silence. In silence, one can genuinely tap into his thoughts without disruption. Silence allows you to be present. And hearing the birds outside, the ambulance drive by, the gardeners trimming the bushes, the kids swimming in the pool, the dogs barking... is also beautiful as it connects you with the moment.

There is a saying in Farsi, "Haerfeh dorost javab nadareh." The literal translation is Correct statements do not have a response. Which is what happened after my husband's explanation. So I gave it a shot and he was (unsurprisingly) correct.

Not long after my newfound appreciation for silence, I read a moving paragraph in Jewel's new memoir, Never Broken. It eloquently describes her relationship to silence as an artist. For those not familiar with her, she is the definition of a true poet. Her lyrics, her life experiences, her music—she is a gifted warrior. Without going on too much about my love and admiration for her, here is the passage:

I cannot overstate the importance of silence to young artists, or to anyone seeking a creative voice. It takes great influences to find your way to unique self-expression. You must stand on the shoulders of artists who have gone before you. Read great works. See great arts. Listen to great voices. This sets a bar for your spirit and psyche to work toward. Then you must dive inward into silence. Stand on the rippling edges of the expansive universe within your own being and create from there.  Don’t compare yourself with what’s popular. Doing so is like one child comparing himself with another. Greatness is never achieved by trying to imitate the greatness of another. Greatness is chipping away at all that does not belong to you and then expressing yourself so truly that others can’t help but recognize it. It is in silence that we discover ourselves. The silence and the unknown can be frightening, but with time it stops feeling like there is nothing there. The darkness and silence will begin to feel like a void in a positive sense—the womb of creation. It is the magical nothing that something is birthed from. Feed yourself a diet of great work, and then go away by yourself and listen alone to your soul speak to you. Silence will be your greatest teacher.

Read it again.

Silence is awesome. 

Sincerely,

Sahra

New Year's Resolution - Check In

Last year my husband and I decided we would forgo a typical New Year's resolution and commit ourselves to a new activity or hobby for the entire year. This way we will always be advancing our personal skillset and accomplishments, which is easy to lose track of when focused on taking care of a family. I chose learning to play the piano and my husband wanted to master hiking.

Now we are almost six months into 2016 and here is where we stand:

I bought a keyboard and all necessary accessories and have been taking lessons every Sunday morning since January. With baby and weekend travels I've had to cancel a handful of lessons, but I've learned how to play all the scales on the piano as well as the 12 Bar Blues and the chords to Little Black Submarines by The Black Keys. I just confirmed with my music teacher this morning that my next song will be Me and Bobby McGee J I am also learning to sight read.

My husband didn’t have the freedom to hike as much as he would like, so he decided to change his activity. We hiked a good amount but it's hard to increase the hiking challenge when we can't take entire days or weekends to tackle real California mountains. So we decided it was fair to table this idea for a future year and instead for the remainder of 2016 he will be studying the World Atlas. It's something he has been interested in for some time and also an activity that can accommodate spending good amounts of time at home.

That's it for now… will let you know where we are by December. It will be here before we know it!

Sincerely,

Sahra

It Finally Makes Scents

I've always enjoyed perfumes. I started wearing body splash in junior high and moved on to Escape by Calvin Klein in high school, and Versace Red Jeans in college. Post college I wore Versace Blonde and once I moved to New York City I owned a slew of perfumes. Particularly during the time I lived in the Flatiron District right near the huge shops that sold every designer perfume for wholesale price. I wouldn't think twice about purchasing a new fragrance that sparked my interest. If I was the slightest bit moved by a scent, I would run out and buy it the next day. 

My mom always told me to choose one perfume and make it my signature scent. She thinks you shouldn't change your smell depending on time of day or season of the year. I tend to listen to everything my mom tells me when it comes to being a lady--there isn't much that beats the classic, high society Persian school of thought--but in this case I just couldn't concur. Once I finished a bottle, that scent and phase in my life were both over for me. I associated that smell too closely with where I was living, whom I was dating, where I was working, how I was spending my free time, and my emotional state of mind during that period. My sense of smell is very strong, so catching a whiff from my past would sometimes bring back the memories so strongly it would give me a slight gag reflex, depending on what I was connecting to. All the memories take over, like a wave through my body. 

I recently stumbled into Le Labo on 3rd Street in West Hollywood and instantly fell in love. The sales person was standing behind the counter mixing ingredients in a beaker, and I noticed a quote by the Persian poet Hafiz splashed on the wall: "Act great, dear. Always act great." She was making a fragrance for one of the customers. They make their perfumes fresh at Le Labo. And they are all unisex. 

I learned more about scents and perfumes during my twenty minutes in the store than I had my entire life. Their employees are extremely knowledgeable, which makes sense because their job training is twelve weeks. This place is legit! I walked out with seven tasters and sampled them over the next couple weeks. I ended up buying the one I was originally attracted to (as is usually the case) and love, love, love it.

We will see what happens with this new scent. Now that I am in a more permanent phase in my life, I wonder if this scent will have more lasting power? I can't imagine looking back and gagging when reminded of the beginning of my marriage and raising my beautiful son. But I suppose only time will tell :)

Sincerely,

Sahra

No Biting!

It’s over. I didn’t think I cared or was attached, but I was wrong. 

Last week my teething baby bit me over a dozen times while I was nursing him. And the almost-last-time I yelped in pain and had to fishhook his jaw open to get him off my nipple. I was sobbing and so was he (I scared him).

I was a little shocked it came to an end so abruptly but I figured it was time to stop nursing.  Just a couple weeks prior my husband’s mother asked me how the nursing was going and I confidently answered, “It’s fine. He’s such a good eater that I have no problem continuing to nurse him. But I’m not one of those overly attached moms that is going to freak out about it when I stop.”

Wrong.

The following day I had no issues giving him a bottle. However, the moment I popped that bottle in his mouth at bedtime I started balling. Hysterically. I was trying to keep it quiet since babies sense the emotions around them, but wow was I crying hard. And when he fell asleep on the bottle, even more tears.

Over the past 7.5 months when I would nurse him and he would fall asleep on my chest, I would take him off and put him right in the crib. This time, however, I stood over his crib hugging him for 25 minutes. I just held onto him tightly and cried and cried and cried. Until my husband came in and took him from me and pointed out that the entire side of his pajamas were soaking wet from me.

I was so sad. So I decided I would give nursing another go. Maybe I wasn’t ready to stop after all.

After two days of pumping to allow my left boob to heal, I put him back on to see if he would nurse. This time, I made our nanny stand close by in case something happened. Caspian sat on my lap and began suckling waiting for the letdown. I was watching him closely. Then he looked up at me… right into my eyes… and slowly started to clamp down. It was like he was looking up waiting for my reaction when he went in for the chomp! He knew darn well he wasn’t supposed to be doing it and didn’t care.

I was definitely finished now. No more nursing.

I didn’t cry that night when I gave him the bottle. My friend told me no matter when or how you stop nursing, it’s always going to be emotional. And she was right. I let it all out that first night and then I was fine. I didn’t realize how much I was enjoying the nursing bond while it was happening; but I now think those few minutes of being one with him, particularly right before bed, really was a special routine for me.

That sad night I gave him the bottle was the first time since he was born that I didn’t nurse him before bedtime. I guess that’s a big deal for us mammas.

I now look back and think a part of my sadness was also because I had to accept that my baby was growing up. It was the first end to a big phase in his life. According to my mom, this is just the beginning of many beautiful phases that will come to an end so I have to enjoy and savor each one. In a few short weeks he will be holding his own bottle, then walking, then off to nursery school. And before we know it, he will be going to college.

My mom also kindly added in her sweet Shirazi accent that he is over his mom’s boobies because he is a big boy now and is ready for the boobs of pretty girls. UM. Thanks, Ma. She always has a way of making light of situations.

Sincerely,

Sahra

"Charming"

Many find this to be a positive adjective when describing someone. Not me. Ever since I was young, when the word “charming” was used to describe someone, it gave me an internal cringe. I picture a person that is sneaky… a snake, if you will. A person that is incredibly good with people and they use this skill to weasel their way in and out of situations. A little American Psycho-ish. When I meet someone that is super charming, I tend to distrust them before I trust them. 

Anyone else get this feeling?

Sincerely,

Sahra

LA’s Freezing Winters

People think Southern California has warm beach weather all year long, but they’re wrong. Not to make Los Angeles even more annoyingly perfect, but we also have four seasons here; they are just milder. In other words, you know that beautiful sunny chill you get in NYC at the end of spring and start of fall? Those few short weeks that somehow justify your decision to pay $2K a month rent for a five hundred square foot studio? Well, that’s our version of winter, and it lasts months at a time. It’s perfect, annoyingly perfect.

What’s most surprising is native Angelenos also seem to think we have beach weather year round. I came to this realization after noticing I was one of very few people tapping into their winter attire even when superstar weatherman Dallas Raines would predict lows of 45 across the county. There I am, skipping through town in my light down jacket and high boots thanking Mother Nature for this beautiful day, while most people around me are jogging to their destination with their arms crossed tightly in front of them to protect themselves from the “cold.”

I saw this day after day. And it wasn’t one fluke cold day that surprised us in the middle of summer that no one was prepared for.  It was our third month of chilly weather and I still saw everyone being so… cold. When it wasn’t even cold out! In fact, if dressed appropriately, it’s a lovely time of year.

It just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not criticizing; I’m just trying to understand. When it’s cold out, dress warm. Then you won’t be cold anymore. It’s that easy.

One rainy day last November, I shamelessly brought up to the girl in the elevator with me that I don’t get why everyone is in shorts and open toed shoes today. And she said, “Listen I was born and raised here, and the problem with all of us is that we do not want to accept that it’s cold outside. We are simply in denial about it!”

This Los Angeles phenomenon hits close to home for me. After 35 years and some convincing, I bought my native Angeleno husband his first winter coat this year. I've converted my first non-winterer into a believer. Who's next?


Sincerely,
Sahra

What About Our 30s?

Growing up, adults would always remind me of how amazing it is to be “young” and to live up and appreciate every moment.

It’s true, during college and in my 20s I was free as a bird— working hard, playing hard, traveling all over, and ultimately worrying only about myself and what made me happy. Which in my opinion is exactly how you should spend those years: exploring, experimenting, and “finding yourself” (as they call it).

However, as soon as I turned 30 all the friendly reminders stopped. How come no one ever speaks of the sweetness of this stage? Why aren’t my elders reminding me to hold on to these years and live up every waking moment?  For me, this has been the best decade.

My 30s have been comprised of countless celebratory hugs and tearful phone calls to learn one of my dear friends or family members got engaged, confirmed a wedding date, bought a house, landed the job of their dreams, and by far the most exciting – a pregnancy announcement.  There is no piece of news that brings more happiness to you, your spouse, your family, and your friends. Can you imagine no more than a couple months going by without learning of a new pregnancy or birth of a newborn? It’s pure bliss. And it’s all in your 30s.

I must admit, there was a nervousness about leaving my years of super independence, but what about the beauty of never having to do anything alone again? The security of knowing there is someone to support you in every new challenge life sends your way? What’s not to love about building a home, a family, and a life with someone who adores you? Or even friendships. The friendships that are lasting through your 30s are more real and valuable. You become more comfortable with yourself and certain with how you prefer to spend your time, which in turn makes you smarter and pickier with the friends you keep close.

Perhaps I wouldn’t feel so happy with where I am now if I hadn’t spent my 20s the way I did, but either way, I am here to let all my young readers know that YOUR 30s ROCK TOO. Live up your 20s and enjoy the freedom and independence to the fullest, but know there is another decade right around the corner that is going to blast you with joy and happiness!


Sincerely,
Sahra

LA vs. NYC - Can't We All Just Get Along?

The burning question, Los Angeles vs. New York City.. Which is better? Which is cooler?

As a certified New Yorker who lived in LA both before and after NYC, people often ask me if I like LA or NYC more. And my response is always the same, "Both cities are amazing, it just depends what you're looking for." 

If your priority is to be surrounded by culture, professional growth, overt intellectual stimulation, style and urban living -- you likely will not be happy in LA. If you're looking for sunshine, laid back people, space, healthy living, outdoor adventures and physical challenges -- you likely will not be happy in NYC. 

It's easy for me to answer this question because I've felt both. Toward the end of living in LA from '02-'05 I felt the former; and when I left NYC and moved back to LA eight years later I felt the latter.

I've seen numerous articles about people who prefer LA and attack NYC and vice versa. I don't understand why there can't just be a preference and stop there. Is it necessary to point out how NYC has horrible weather, nasty people, and long work hours? And that LA people seem fake and it's a real drag having to drive everywhere? 

To me, the "bad" is also what creates the charm: freezing winters can be cozy and scorching hot summers can be sexy, the no bullshit attitude makes for impeccable loyalty and friendships, and the people work hard because they are driven to achieve their goals. And on the flip side, it's actually pleasant to get smiled at when running daytime errands, and driving to work with my sunroof open while listening to NPR and sipping coffee from my cup holder is pretty sweet too. 

Both cities are beautiful. Just because they are among the top U.S. big cities to reside in doesn't mean we are inclined to choose one over the other, love one and hate the other. LA and NYC shouldn't be compared at all in my opinion. Rather, they should both be embraced for the very different awe-inspiring experiences each has to offer. I can't imagine one without the other. 


Sincerely,
Sahra